Evano Smith
Evano_Smith
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What habits are you trying to break right now?
Not being so scared or weary that everyone's out to hurt me.
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How would you describe love?
"Hmm, well there's love of children
Love of self
Love of God
Love of a partner
All of them have a different shape
But all of them is the same in the end
It's about sensitivity, it's about passion
It's about unconditional giving of self to another person
And there's love of humanity
That's the love that is right now needed most
Love of humanity
But in everything, in all of that love, there is a soul
It's like when you take some eggs and break them
And you take the shells and mix them up
Trying to find the ones that match
And you find the perfect match
When you find the perfect match
That compatibility results in passion
Results in unconditional giving of self"
Well that's not what I think but it struck me when I heard it the first time. To be honest I don't even think I can describe love, I could share memories of what I think love is but as far as intelligently descriptive reply goes, I won't be able to, it would be hypothesis.
So I think I've only ever loved once in my life, saying loved isn't even correct because I still do, always will. Recollections from that love would be; that overwhelmingly satisfying sensation after she has left and her scent stays behind, that dopamine spike at the sound of hearing her voice even when she was expected, the sound of her singing when she's just doing her thing, the liberating sound of her laughter when I'm being silly, being able to hold her when it seems like the rest of the world mimics our quietness, watching her do her makeup, her consuming hugs that don't quite last forever, her wave goodbye accompanied by an iconic smile when she leaves to go home, falling asleep on a phonecall just because no-one wants to say bye, her name popping up on my notification bar after a difficult day, listening to her divulge her thoughts concerning dreams/ passions/ goals or just how her day was... I could go on but you get the idea.
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Do you believe in soulmates?
Damn bro! I do but it's sad to think that I lost mine to my own narcissistic ways. A price I'll pay for years to come.
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What does a “safe space” look like to you?
I would say my room but that's not true, my room only recently became a safe space when she was in it. Well more accurately, she's my safe space, being in her presence is home, I've never felt so at ease with making my safe space a person and not a location.
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What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Buying that same girl who almost ran me over a ring, I was sweating in the shop like I was preparing to propose lol. It's a thrilling experience wanting to impress someone so badly.
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Who is that one person you can just talk to about anything?
I fcked up recently and I lost my best friend (only person I felt really comfortable with), something that'll haunt me FOREVER.
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Favourite experience of love?
I was nearly run over by this dazzling young woman, my heart stopped working, the world just stood still when I saw her face (I didn't even see her dad who was standing right there lol and you know how important it is to respect the dad but I could only see her), I was very close to walking into something, a scene straight out of a movie. And I still haven't come close to being so enchanted by anyone before.
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Pet peeve?
I would have to say, the way I'm so scared of letting people see the real me. I could blame that on trust issues gained from my childhood but I've been blaming everyone except myself far too long.
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Who is the mystery woman
She's the essence of where dreams are conjured from, the complexion of unpolished gold, a smile that absorbs darkness so that light prevails, she's a celestial who breaches the gap between time and space, she's a modern-day Nefertiti... Do you get it? She's staggeringly beautiful, her intelligence is ahead of her time. That's all you're getting lol... Until next time detective.
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Would you ever take back someone who cheated?
I'd be a hypocrite if I said no.
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Are you more into looks or brains?
I'm not the brightest but I can talk, though not always about intelligent subjects but I enjoy conversation. So brains definitely.
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What’s something you’d love to experience for the first time again?
Not again but just for the first time, parents.
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What is the most hurtful thing you’ve heard about yourself by accident?
"You're a failure"
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What was the biggest lesson you learnt and what gave you the realization?
The biggest lesson I've learnt was that I have the tendency to become lazy (complacent) which as a repercussion made the people dearest to me feel like they're not being acknowledged, challenged or blatantly not seen. I've had to really find the root cause of this behaviour, which would inevitably lead to a steep decline in my personal life if not dealt with.
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What about your life hurts right now?
I would have to say just my life in general as a consequence of the poor choices I've made, you can't make people believe that you want to grow if you keep on stumbling but you stumble because you're so unaccustomed to failure, most people won't have the tolerance or the patience to weather the storm.
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If you are in a bad mood… do you prefer to be left alone or have someone cheer you up?
I love solitude but then I also enjoy the occasional contact time but overall, I'm pretty much a loner.
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Advise, If you are in a situationship, is it cheating to sleep with your ex?
I mean you're wasting another persons time, maybe you're not over your ex...
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Money or loyalty?
Why didn't you include power?
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Whats your turn ons?
Lol that's difficult, I'm a weird character.
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If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now… what would you wish for?
That the world never knows apathy.
That we were all colorblind.
That single parenting never existed.
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What song makes you unconditionally happy?
Now this is just unfair... Ummm, I'll say Damian Marley's Road to zion.
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What song makes you unconditionally sad?
Does it have to be one song 😩. Lately it's been Vanish by Giveon, ugh... Just thinking about it gets me in my feels.
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Have you ever felt something you can’t explain?
That's actually very intrinsic to my emotions.
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These responses are very entertaining 😂
Lol if I can be both transparent and entertaining then that's a win.
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Best $exual experience?
Is $ex all you think about...
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Which ex will always be a backup?
The one after W.
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Best hookup?
Any intellectual questions?
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Ever help your cousin using vibrator Nepz
No but I think you need psychological help, desperately.
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What is something that you would never let go of ?
My ability to forgive.
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why are you so scarce lately even though you live around the corner from me?
There's line that Big Sean says, it goes: "I spent my whole life tryna improvise, I'm not saying that sht for you to sympathise" I didn't get it until I read this. I ran from my demons and I'm just trying to face them head on. I don't want to be toxic to people who I want in my life so I just need time to heal.
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Body count 👅💦?
Answering this would mean that I have to objectify women, quantifying their meaning to a mere number which I will not do.
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Describe your best friend?
Too sad to answer.
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What's your highest achievement?
This one spikes my anxiety
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What’s your idea of a perfect date?
I'm very very low maintenance, so a date to me is more a person as opposed to activities being done or places visited.
Though I'd say, a nice evening out, I like evenings because of the ambience. Some good food, some wine, great conversation (because I think a date is just a means of determining if one can hold a mindful and thought provocative conversations) and cuddles. (Someone told me wine is cuddle juice, that's no lie)
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Who would you take a bullet for?
Firstly, am I quick enough to get in front of it.
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What’s sumthing that made u smile lately?
Seeing my mom, after years.
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If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
Tokyo, Japan 😭
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R you single?
I am actually multiple.
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Do you have any regrets? If so… name one.
Not taking more mayo at Burger King 😪
I regret not paying attention to the fine print behind the details. I'm trying now to be present more and to listen intently.
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What type of music is therapeutic to you?
Damn! I'm all over the place! I adore hip-hop first and foremost. I enjoy a sing-along so your 80-90's RnB music, let's not forget old school, occasionally blues-rock, definitely reggae, UK drill/ grime and just some good RnB.
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What is your biggest fear when it comes to matters of the heart ?
I'd have to say that I fear losing, I fear losing people, I fear losing influential people, people who benefit from me as much as I benefit from them. I tend to latch onto loss/ love/ grief and that deteriorates my soul. Detachment is something I have yet to master. Also fear of disappointing the people immediately close to me, I make lots of mistakes (which means that I apologise often as compensation for not knowing when to invest myself completely), I don't mean it, I just struggle with trusting people's true motives (vulnerability frightens me), I've been lied to profusely though I love DEEPLY, I don't convey emotions concisely and the closest you'll come to how deeply I love is in my poetry.
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If you walked into a room and saw every single person you’ve ever met in your entire life, who are you looking for first?
Myself, somewhere along the lines became deeply disconnected, severed almost.
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If someone truly love you but you does not have any feelings for them not as a friendship feeling also would you give a chance to that relationship or not
Depends on many factors... I'm very inquisitive so I kind of ask plenty of "why's" lol. How long have the person and I been friends? What's the nature of the friendships? What are the boundaries thereof? Why does this person love me? Do they know that it's love and not infatuation? Would either of us benefit from the pursuit of a relationship? How would the pursuit alter the friendship? Do we compliment each other? There are many more... It boils down to, have we had this deeper discussions.
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Is there something that a lot of people misunderstand about you? If so… what would that be?
People generally say my communication s*cks, lacks enthusiasm, is too vague, lacks frequency or has the potency of a rollercoaster. I don't deny that though I'm a deeply flawed human being and on certain days, I just escape to where I feel like there's no social obligation/ expectation. Escaping doesn't mean that I'm running from the person, I just sometimes feel like a mere shell or even a silhouette of myself, it's difficult to explain that exact feeling and the origin thereof so I just don't or I just move past it. People see that as me disregarding them or me just not "seeing" their deeper intelligent being. I hate that about myself, I loved divulging my thoughts though certain days I just feel like the world rolled me into a flat, one-dimensional version of myself.
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Why you a btch A$$ hoe
I can't tell how serious your question is lol
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You know I genuinely can’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. My question to you is, why do you keep going to the circus?
Lol, oof what have I done to you... Joking, it's pure rhetoric. Mmm let's see, I go to the circus because I'm seemingly socially accepted there, there's something almost wholesome to being a part of something regardless of the adverse impact it might have, the thought of acceptance to someone who has been exiled for so long just seems enticing. It's bittersweet because it's not real acceptance and more behavioural tolerance which is a fleeting affair. I go because for that brief moment I belong to something other than sadness, grief, loss and hate. It's not a long term solution but it works, like a day to day habit, just offering the right amount of peace to numb one for a while. I'm trying though...
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If your life was a book… what would the title be?
This is a question only an avid reader would ask haha. Uhm, I'd call it "anatomy of disappointment"
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What’s the biggest lie you consistently tell yourself?
I don't know if it's that much of a lie though I consistently tell myself that I am not substantial. Be it about career opportunities, relationships or even just personal merit. It's so debilitating but it's years and years of conditioning and being ridiculed, so it still proves to be a challenging cycle to break.