Kira Carlin
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What do you no longer waste time on?
I waste time on so many things (like right now, I'm in the middle of writing an essay, and yet here I am, answering a auto-generated question on a site most people have forgotten, because I can't not procrastinate apparently), but I would say there is a lot I don't waste time on anymore. I think it's more about realising your priorities, or shifting them. I rarely waste time pretending I like people unless I need to for the sake of someone else, to make their life easier. It's all about who you care about really, whereas I think before it was more about who I hated (with, in my opinion, still very good reason). I think more about the people I care about, but I still don't act on it a lot, so I think that will be my next set of priorities, eventually. I don't waste time on people that don't matter anymore, and need to start spending more time with the people that do.
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What do people brag about that you don't find impressive at all?
I think people brag about their flaws way too much. As if they are proud of specific flaws and that there are no consequences (or they think there shouldn't be) for how their flaws impact people and life around them. I find it very unimpressive when people think their flaws and "owning" them makes them better.
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What was your biggest waste of money?
well, apparently right now it was my laptop -.-
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When were you the most happy and why?
When I was in Italy, because it was such an amazing place to visit, and so beautiful, and I was with the one I love :3
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My rabbit is making weird screaming sounds, dies it have chron's maybe?
I am alarmed and confused D: is it okay? What is chron's? Is it alive still?
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Why are you single?
I'm super not single, soz :3
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What do you want the most right now?
cuddles from bubby and lots of sleep
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What do you want for your birthday
to be in Italy again, right next to my bubby. That's the only thing I want.
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What is one thing you know if you stopped doing, you would save so much money?
Leaving the house to do anything except working. If I stopped doing that I'd have lots and lots of money :(
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What's the weirdest thing you've eaten?
you know, I don't think I've eaten nearly enough /weird/ things. I usually eat pretty regular things for where I live, so I would be very much open to new and weird foods! Even if it seems kinda gross, as long as it won't kill me, I'd like to try everything at least once!
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How much of a good thing is bad?
That depends on how it changes people. Is it an object? Is it a feeling? How does it influence dynamics around it. If it hurts others, it is bad, depending on circumstances. If it is important to you and makes you happy, it is good no matter how much you have, again, depending on circumstances. Sometimes there is never too much, but sometimes there is. It is a case by case issue.
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If you could have a pet mythical animal, other than a dragon, what would you choose?
I have spent way too long thinking about this, so I'm just going to try and answer. I have like four dragon figures in my room, and I'm looking at them like "sorry friends", so let's see... Mythical animals... Probably still a reptile of some kind. I would really like a basilisk. It's depicted as deadly and poisonous but it just seems like such a cool creature. I dunno, I just like 'em.
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Would you help me groom my pet canine?
doggo!! What kind of doggo?!
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What would you like to have as a skill that you don't possess now if you could master it right now?
well, the obvious one would be languages, all of them. If it was different, probably complete control over voice (including languages, imitations, singing, etc. Just being good at all those). If not, probably mastery of musical instruments, especially string or piano. Sound is a pretty big thing for me, I really enjoy it a lot. Sound influences us in so many ways via language, song, music, even the sounds of an office, or traffic. Almost all of our learned behaviours are because of sounds. If not that, then cooking.
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Why are you so beautiful?
D'awwwwwwwwwwwww, gosh, you <3 YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, ANON
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What could you talk endlessly about?
Probably food, or symbolism. Get me started on either of those and don't stop, and we'll be there for a really long time.
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What specific thing do you dislike about people?
Look, there are many things, and I am included in this. There are just so many things I dislike about people. Specifically though? Probably our ability to tear each other, and even ourselves, down. We are just so damn good at destroying ourselves and other people, sometimes to the point where people don't even realise how terrible their actions can be for others. We are good at throwing others and ourselves to the wolves. I hate how destructive a force we can be. I hate it because we have such potential for growth and contribution and team work. I hate it because when we work together and help each other, there are so many things we can collectively achieve, and achieve for ourselves. Our progress as people is stunted because we are more concerned about what we can have over others or in spite of others, rather than helping everyone progress as much as possible. We drag ourselves down because we think others deserve it better than we do. This is specifically what I dislike about people, because honestly, we can do better, and we just don't. Even I don't, and I hate that too.
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What's the best luck you have ever had in your life?
Well, it really depends on your point of view about actions and consequences. On the one hand, there are moments that I feel were very unlucky, and I wish had never happened to me. On the other, the ripple from this things created opportunities for fulfillment that may not have been available before. I guess the moment I felt luckiest was when I met Mattia. I suppose the luckiest moment of my life that made that possible is the not dying like I was supposedly about to when I was born. Or any of the other times.
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When do you know you're in love?
When I'm with my bubby :3 <3 No, but for reals, it depends. Love isn't one set thing, and you can love different people in different ways, even in romantic/$exual love. You can be temporarily in love, but it can still be strong and important - usually it is a stepping stone for personal growth. You can be in love despite reason, which sounds obvious, but when someone you love has blatant and obvious flaws that make people question why you would stay with a person, it can be less reasonable than most forms of love. It can be upsetting and wrong, but you still love them. You can be in love with aspects of a relationship, what it provides you with, but not necessarily feel very strongly. You be in love with who you become with a certain person, a drive and energy that you don't often find. You know you're in love when it makes you feel something, whether it be joy, devotion, a need to protect someone. Love comes in different forms, different strengths, and no love is any less valid. Love is important for understanding ourselves and the people around us. Love holds in it lessons that sometimes cannot be learned any other way. Love is what makes each of us human. It is compassion for another. That's when you know you love someone.
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Have you ever been in a situation where someone bought you a drink/dared you to chug a drink, when really they were trying to trick you into needing to pee?
hahaha, if it's happened, I've never noticed! But I don't have many experiences of people daring me to chug drinks. Interesting idea though! I may use it in future, who knows when it may be useful? :D
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Who are you currently ignoring and why?
mostly I'm ignoring problems in a lot of relationships, because I have way more stressful things going on constantly that take priority, and I never have the mental capacity left to address any personal issues or talk things out with various people.
What do you think about the most ?
At the moment, I can't keep my mind of people that do terrible things, and the path of self destruction, along with the people it hurts on the way.
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What are you sick and tired of?
There are soooooo many things, but I hold on to less things now so there's nothing that I can think of that I am around super often that I am sick and tired of. Inconsiderate people? Sick and tired of those.
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What makes your life worth living?
Life is great, life itself gets me going and living and learning is so great. Love, fun and exploration keep me alive.
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How was the year 2016 for you , so far ?
This year has been one hell of a ride, but good and bad, it has been incredible and never boring.
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You have unlimited money. What's the first thing you do?
Fly to Italy.
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What was the best decision of your life?
Flying to Italy! It was a huge step for me, not only in terms of conquering fears (I was so scared of planes, but I realised there was something I was more scared of that helped me conquer that fear), and actually flying to a different country when people were freaking me out with VERY radical tales about things to watch out for (like, I know some of it is stigma, but people telling me that there were gonna be babies thrown at me so they could steal me stuff was flipping me out something fierce), but also in taking hold of my wants and dreams regardless of what outside pressures were trying to make me do. It was a big step in respecting myself, after a few tentative steps had already been taken. It was the most worthwile thing I've ever done.
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What's it like to be you?
Well, I imagine it would be like any individual experience. It's hard to describe your own way of being. I exist, I react to the world around me, and in turn the world reacts to my reaction.
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What are you looking most forward to in 2017?
Well, I'll be able to go for my proper license because I doubt I'mma get it before then at this point, and I'll be at uni still, and I'm excited :D
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What have you never truly gotten over?
A lot of things, and it may take my whole life to get over them, but that's okay, so long as I keep moving forward and remind myself that I still have a lot I need to face, and to be strong when those things happen, I'll be okay. There are some things that I'll never forget, but keeping my eyes on my goal and never giving up will ensure that any struggles or bad times are a motivator to live, not a reason to stop.
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Why are you not a millionaire?
because I don't have over a million dollars. Like, come on. If I had money then sure.
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You just won $50 million from the lottery. What's next?
after helping out someone here and there, I'm using that to boost me on my way to Italy
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What would you do if you only had 24 hours left to live?
Probably talk to bubby for as long as I could, then spend time with my sisters and close family, as well as close friends, or just talk to people and say some goodbyes. Other than that, I'd probably just relax and accept what's happening.
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Who is your favorite person and why?
Bubby :3 mainly because he's the cutest in the world and we work together to lift each other up. We make each other happiest. I would probably not have the drive I do to be someone today in the same way if I didn't have him by my side. I am very grateful to him.
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What does your name mean ?
well, like a lot of names, Kira has different meanings in different languages. I have a picture frame of my name that says it's Persian and Egyptian it means 'sun' or 'from the sun'. In Latin is supposedly means 'light'. In Gaelic, however, it flips and means 'little dark one', which was given to babies with dark hair or complexion. In Greek it means 'lord' or a respectful term for women, so you know, nobility up in this bis. Slavonic apparently means "strong woman" so yeah *flexes*. And, finally, in Russian is supposedly means 'beloved', which I feel, so that's nice.
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If you discovered a new island, what would you name it and why?
probably something like Proserpina. It's a name I think sounds very lovely, it's also something that sounds like "prosperous", but the name is also from the Romanised version of Persephone (I really enjoy her story, okay, it's a crime at this point almost) so I would like to name an island after a goddess of spring, as well as what she represents as finding balance between life (and death), finding a new start, and taking control of a situation that may not seem in your favour initially. I am kind of thinking of this as me washing up on an undiscovered island, so that's why I'm leaning this way with it.
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What or who , do you think about the most ?
The person I think about most is, without a doubt, my bubby. I feel like that one was a bit obvious though. I think about way too many things all at once, so it's hard to narrow down, but I guess I think about my actions and how people react to things a lot.
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Do you think your confidence has improved, if so, when was it where you felt significant improvement?
Absolutely! I still have many, MANY moments of self doubt and insecurity, and I tackle them as they come and go. However, these moments no longer take up every second of my life. I am finding a balance. I have people around me now that support me and I know genuinely care, which is new and touching. I am starting to believe in myself a little bit more, and I am more sure of my footing on my path. I think that there are two moments that stick out in my mind. I've been looking at this question, and I spoke about it with my partner, which helped me think about it in a clearer way, so I apologise if this goes on a little while. The first moment when I began to actually feel self worth was my least fond memory. I won't go into that, but it boiled down to saving a very broken friendship, or actually caring about myself. It took me some time, but I worked up the courage to put my foot down and decide I was worth more than a ragdoll gettng thrown around. I began to change the people around me, which didn't sit well with many people, but the idea that I was worth more than nothing had already been planted in my brain, and I wasn't going to back down. The second moment ties into that. I pushed my partner at the time to decide whether they cared about me, or about someone who had hurt me deeply, and didn't even seem to care about him very much either (considering they had told me they hated him, so idk, their logic was whack yo). When he told me he couldn't make that kind of decision, it hurt, but my mind was made up, and I wouldn't be reduced to self sacrificing, not again. I felt myself growing, and no matter what, I refused to be held down. I cried for myself, for shedding constraints, because they hurt like hell, but god did I start to actually feel good about it. I felt anger and remorse and bitterness, but I can feel content and optimism coming back, and it feels good. It feels good to be alive, and to feel like no matter what, I will fight for my right to live the way I want, not for the sake of others that don't even care for me. My confidence improved when I was pushed to an absolute limit, and I had two very clear choices; lie down and give up, sacrifice my sense of self and kill what I might have become, or stand, and look up to the sky and say "I am alive and I am worth what it means to be alive, I am worthy of living my life."
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Do you think the world is becoming more accepting?
I am genuinely considering answering all these questions in video form, because they are such interesting things to discuss! Anyway, back to the question. I honestly think it depends on where you look. In some ways, and in some places, I would absolutely say the world has become more accepting. Progression is always happening, and with each new generation exploring and discovering, things are absolutely becoming more accepted. However, there are places and people that are very stubborn against this progression, this acceptance. Each part of the world has different growth, and sometimes not always for the better. In some places, acceptance isn't even a question, it is a given. In other places, it becomes a debate, what the pros and cons are of accepting something. I don't think the world as a whole is moving together with acceptance, but I do believe that little by little, it is always accepting various things more and more.
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In extension to the previous question, what do you think gets people confused between the two, or often trivialise the meaning of 'confident'
That's a really good question! I think sometimes people confuse confidence with arrogance because arrogance can be a way to fool yourself into thinking you've beaten your insecurities, when in actual fact you are just denying them rather than addressing them. Arrogance stems purely from insecurities, and when you put yourself above others, it means you think less about yourself. It can be a defence mechanism, but it doesn't make someone better. Confidence addresses the insecurities, knows the limits and pushes them, rather than ignoring them completely. Confidence stems from self reflection and is pure positivity for yourself. Arrogance is pure negativity for everyone around you. People will begrudge people who are confident, but that is often because they have not tested and pushed themselves in a way that makes them feel confident in themselves. It is trivialised by many because it can be hard. It can be so difficult to feel confident in yourself, but it is so worth it. Not everyone knows how to reach that point.
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How would you define the difference between arrogance and confidence?
How I define them is very straightforward, at least to me. Confidence is belief in yourself. Confidence is feeling like you are capable and sure of your limits. Confidence is a state of content with your own person. Arrogance, however, is a sense of superiority over other people that quite often (I have yet to encounter the contrary) has no foundation. Arrogance is an ego that is undeserved. It is a common trait in not very nice people.
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What makes you instantly hate someone?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, well, most people I know (or at least that know me) should know straight up. (I'm sorry, I was laughing because I was talking to a friend about this this morning.) So, pretty much, anyone that holds themselves above others, is inconsiderate of others, and is basically just very self important. Confidence is different from self importance. I probably won't hate someone for this right away, but I will definitely not want to be around them. Also, it is very much based on their actions. Things that will make me hate a person: rapists or molestors. That's the most hate inducing thing I could imagine for me. I feel these things are close to, if not completely, irredeemable (which they are to me. They are completely irredeemable).
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What makes you happy to be alive?
Ah! There are so many things! Do you look at the little things that fill you with contentment, like leaning in to the most comfortable chair with a cup of tea on a warm afternoon? Seeing how far you've come with something, maybe even little like drawing a bit better, or cooking a bit better? Tasting something you haven't had in a long time and it being just as good as you remember it being last time? There's so many little things that just make us sometimes feel just so content. On the other hand though, there are big things. Learning makes me feel alive, that drive to know as much as I can. It's exhausting, but so fulfilling. Making someone smile is another. If I can make a person smile or laugh at least once a day, I feel like maybe, by making that person's day a little better, maybe everything else will be okay too. It might be a bit silly, but laughter can be the ost beautiful sound in the world. To me at least.
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I still think you should do a podcast or a youtube series on important to do with young people, I sincerely think you should consider it, you're full of wisdom.
haha, thank you! I tried, but I'm really bad at it. It is a bit like stage fright, I never have anything interesting to say. I might give it a try and then I'll let you know. Thank you, I was feeling pretty low, but this was really nice. :)
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If relevant, why should ex's stay ex's?
If it didn't work out, I feel like there is definitely a good reason, no matter what it is. Sometimes it's one sided, sometimes it's a mutual agreement, but I think of some advice I've had. An ex is someone you need to move on from in your life. You learn so much about yourself in relationships, and from break ups, and returning to something that one or both of you has left behind is never the answer. It feels like jumping backwards in your progress. I tried to go back to dating exes, and it always went horribly. Holding on too tightly to something that doesn't want to be held is going to cause nothing but pain. I think back to my exes, and there are things I regret about one or two, but I never want to date them again. My ex from highschool holds a lot of regret for me, but it clearly wasn't working. My most recent ex holds regret from it happening in the first place, and my ex from a five years ago holds regret for how it impacted people around it. All of these are amazing learning oportunities, you find your faults, your short comings, and you find your self respect, because sometimes there comes a point where enough is enough. Don't go back, never go back. Never hinder your growth. There are always exceptions, but I find them incredibly rare. Ultimately, it's your decision, but I refuse to stunt my own growth.
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Why are you ignoring the person you're ignoring right now?
If I'm ignoring someone right now, it is definitely not intentional, I have honestly just been too distracted tbh, but if people feel they are being ignored it's just me being super bad at balancing anything and I am very sorry
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What do you envy about the opposite $ex?
tbh in my life there's not much really I envy. Everyone my age seems to be struggling the same amount, regardless of gender. I guess I envy their cheaper clothes.
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What are you obsessed with right now?
Having enough money to keep going @w@''
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What do you need to get off your chest?
Man, if I have an issue, I'm very loud about it, so everything I need to get off my chest is already done. I'm good.
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What are you most afraid of losing?
My bubby
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If you were a superhero, what would you call yourself?
If I was a superhero I would name myself Benignant Saviour, so it would seem like a really nice happy name, but really it's just BS
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What are you tired of seeing on social networks?
well anything I'm sick of seeing I unfollow/ignore, so there's not that much tbh
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What's the worst present you've ever received?
well this one time I got asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I told them a specific book. I was excited and couldn't wait to read it, and when the time came round and I saw those people, I recieved my wonderful gift.... More fcking soap.
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Make a confession
confession: I have no interest in South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons or Futurama, Archer, or Metalocalypse. Soz.
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What have you noticed about yourself recently?
My patience for others has shortened drastically. However, rather than get as angry as I usually do, my disinterest grows as my patience wears thin. I draw a much harder line with how much I will tolerate from others now. If you do not deserve patience, from my perspective, I will not grant it.
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What is your favourite slang word ?
sanga
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How did your "crazy ex" become your "crazy ex"?
Nah, sorry, not going to revisit that drama again.
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What is your purpose in life?
To find my own way, my own happiness, and my own fulfillment. My purpose in life is to find my own purpose on my terms.
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What causes you to stay up late?
last night? I kept waking up late at night because I felt like my insides were dying, but not much other than that
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What do you want to hate, but can't?
foods filled with sugar ;-;
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What are you tired of?
Mostly I'm just tired, but I guess I'm tired of spending all my effort in one place when I want to spend it in another place. Wasting all my time on one thing I don't enjoy, when it could be fueled in to something I do enjoy
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At what point did you realise you are attractive?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha good joke
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What would put a smile on your face today ?
My bubby, always :3
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If you were suddenly elected president, what would be your first thing you do?
free donuts (y) (y)
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What is good in your life right now?
My bubby!
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What did you last Google ?
five seconds ago
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What or who are you obsessed with right now?
My bubby, he's pretty great :3 Also, I'm really into Until Dawn atm, that's pretty rad too.
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What is something that people might not like about you?
I get moody, so I will be super nice and apologetic one day, then really apathetic and dismissive another. Sorry about that :(
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What's the craziest rumor you've heard about yourself?
I don't hear many rumours about me, so I guess the craziest was that someone made a rumour that I was creating stories and rumours about someone when all I did was tell the truth.
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What was the last movie you watched? What'd you think of it?
Batman: Bad Blood. Made me mentally sing Taylor Swift the whole fcking time, pretty ridiculous.
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What's one thing you wish you could do every single day?
roll over in bed and hold my bubby close
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What would make your day?
What always makes my day is talking to my bubby.
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Whats annoying you right now?
People telling me what to do.
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What mistake will you never make again?
I will never make the mistake of allowing someone else to control my actions, or control my life. This is my life, and I will fight for it.
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If you could only wear one piece of clothing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably a nice dress that stops just above the knee. That way I get the most movement and coverage possible.
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You are offered a pill that makes you 25% more intelligent but permanently removes your hair including eyebrows. Do you take it?
well, not really. Like, I don't mind not having hair, but I don't need an increase in intelligence, I'm not so desperate to be smart that I take a specific 25% increase. Just let me learn and live as I will. I'm not super smart, but so what? I'm just a person.
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What was your first relationship like?
I was eight and it was a guy that lived near me. My first actual relationship though lasted two weeks, and then the guy had some stuff he wanted to sort out, so we broke up. When he asked to get back together a little while later I told him to wait and see what happens, then I never answered. It may sound btchy, but honestly I just forgot because I was in high school and had other things on my mind. All we did was text sometimes and hang out at school, so nothing super amazing.
What's the worst decision you've ever made?
Being friends with a terrible human being and wasting twelve years of my life on them. Wasn't worth it, and all because I wanted to be nice to someone. -.- Years of regretting you know someone, yech, not fun.
Can you think of any situation in your life where you've been a hypocrite?
(Bonus points if you've ever felt remorse. ;) )
Many, because unlike some terrible people I've known, I can admit that I've done wrong, and I'm not always right. I guess, unlike some people, I'm not a terrible human being :) <3
Which car would you buy if you are extremely rich?
any car, a little one, I don't like big cars much, and you get more parking spaces with little cars
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What is the most money you've ever spent at once and on what ?
plane trip money :D and it was around $1700? yeah
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What's the dumbest thing you've ever spent money on?
the crap I have that I don't even use, like, I just like how it looks, I never use it, why did I even buy it??
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What's something everyone likes but you hate with a passion?
People seem to want to be friends with a really terrible person for some god awful reason I could never fathom, so I guess that is it.
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Which talent you wish you had ?
Singing. I love singing so much, but I s*ck so bad.