Damien Bowman
spastic_turtle
Ask me shizz :3
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Replies
you're a great friend
Thanks anon, send me an inbox
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Whenever I'm walking down the street, I find it necessary to punch people in the ankles..is this bad? Should I feel bad? And why do people get angry when I spit on them?? Weirdos..
Not at all! We all have things that we like to do! For example, I like to put my pinky in other peoples ears and make moaning sounds, and when they ask if I'm done, I simply "nay, my kind sir." People are hard to understand, my friend.
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Snakes r moody?I tried to pick one up the other day and it bit me! i was all like "dude! chill out, im just tryin to spread the love!" I love this little guy but i cant put up with the biting, what can i do? just delete his number and forget him? any advice?
No, don't delete his number! He's just trying to initiate a bit of foreplay, trying to get you into the mood. Try biting him back, that should get things rolling
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What if the clown had no p****?
*in breaking news, pregnancies have dropped 15%*
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If a troll could troll a troll. How much would a troll troll a troll?
If a troll could troll a troll, a troll would troll a troll until his fanny pack started spilling spaghetti, and everyone started walking the dinosaur
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If u had a choice would u rather be a duck or would u want to be a unicorn??
Why not both? UNIDUCK
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Once yourve had a realationship with someone can they still be friends still??
Mmm. Depends. It depends on the cir***stances that you broke you up in the first place
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I love you xx
I love you too, anon xoxoxo
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Have you ever thought of packing fudge for a living?
What are you talking about? I'd just eat the fudge
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Doodle in the b*m?
Pork on your fork?
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Would you be able to fix my audio problem on my computer?
Yeah, uhhm. Why not.. I don't know, inbox me so I can come to your house or something?
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How heavy is your period flow?
It's intense! Last time I had my period, I was in Egypt. Those stupid mother*****s thought that it was one of the 12 plagues, because the sea had turned to blood.
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I thought the 5 gay guys would walk in one direction
hahahahahaha, ouch! :D I like you. Inbox me.
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How is a turtle a spastic sir?
I'm not saying that turtles are spastics, Sir, I'm saying that I am a spastic turtle, Sir. Sir sir sir sir.
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How did you and your best friend meet?
PREPPPPPPPPPPPPP That nigga and me be buddies since prep :3
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What way do 5 gay guys walk?
into eachother. if you know what i mean... ;)
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Are you se*ually active?
I'm very physically active ;)
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How's the va***e suction goin?!?!? ;)
Still s*cking.rnrn>:(
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Da fuq is shizz?
Shizz is the product of happiness and spam
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Ask me shizz :3
I just like the word. Shizzzzzzz :3
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Is cheese a product of shizz?
Da fuq is shizz
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Did you come to this country on a boat?
I did *** to this country on a boat. It was also full of seaman.
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What if the moose was *****?
Well then I'm in for a fun ride, aren't I?
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How do you get with a moose?
When it's hunting season, I'd dress up as a moose, but strap on a giant p*nis and attempt to mate with the hunters. That outta show the Bit**es that I'm fine ;)
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Are you a loner?
Noh, u r :(
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Would you know?
Would I know what?
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How do you tell someone they have bad breath?
Excuse me sir, but your breath smells like you lost a "sword fight" to the pope
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What is Pie! Gimme that pie now, that pie now, right now
wat
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You can put your weed in there
I can put you in there :3
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do you like lime?
Bru. I love lime. I'm not sure if lime loves me back, so I guess you could say that I rape lime. Ahem.
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Do blind people have dreams?
Yes, but they have never ending nightmares about having to paint a self portrait
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WHAT IS PIE?!!!!!
Baby don't pie me, don't pie me, no more x
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No you wouldn't
No I wouldn't what?
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Do you have a beard?
I would if I didn't shave
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is mayonnaise an instrument?
It is if you put your p**** in it and swirl it around! If you listen really carefully, you can hear it cry :3
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What makes your mom awesome?
I don't have a mum, so I'll just pretend that it said grandma. Shes the groovist granny ever, she's so caring, nice and funny :D I'm glad that I have you in my life
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thoughts on threedog?
Pretty slick motherf***er, loves to make those dog sounds. This is TurtleDog, arrrooooooo
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Is this the Krusty Krab?
No, it's Patrick.
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What would you do with the moon?
What? I'd drink it of course. Nothing wrong with some moon-juice. Yeah. I'd drink the moon. Don't wat.
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favorite se* position with a sandwich?
The Mayonaise. Pretty self explanitory.
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I'm 28 and haven't got my period yet. My sister got it at 14. Does it takes longer if you are a man?
Yes, usually a mans period begins when someone takes the last pancake, or when someone touches your sandwiches
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Have you ever been impregnated by a bear?
Came close once, did a pretty sassy russian chick. Turns out, chick was a guy.
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If the moon transform into a large piece of bacon, how would this affect the earth? Would there be many riots? Messed up tides Climately? Psychologically?
You have a minimum of 500 words to explain this new earth
Okay. Well. First of all. The moon is related to the earths tidal functions. So if you replace the moon with a large piece of bacon, we'd have our own swimming pool :D And we'd probably go to war with vegetarians, because we want to live on the bacon, but those vegie swines will say that its a futile endevour! WE SHALL LAUNCH OUR SAUSAGES, COVER THIER CITIES IN LAMB STEW, AND HAND OUT FREE ROAST TO THE HOMELESS IN RETALIATION. Psychologically, pigs will go f***ing mental. I mean, like. If you saw a giant p**** where the moon should be, you'd get the same feeling that a pig might feel when it sees a "bacon-moon" :3 ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR BACONKIND
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If you were to be eaten by a sandwich, what type?
Jelly sandwich :3 It'll gum me to death :')
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Ever had a crush on a friend if yes ,who was it ?
Steven Segal.
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If you were to abduct aliens, how would you do it?
Hahaha, this is the best question yet! :') Okay. Listen closely children. I would urinate all over the white house (the scent draws them near) I would have free food (they love free food) I would have free grog (aliens love to get blind once in a while) I would promise not to rape them (a promise that i probably wont keep, i get lonely.) And when they're close to me.... I'LL TICKLE THEIR TOES AND LICK THEIR CHEEKS, THEY CAN NOT RESIST MY TOUGUEEEEEEEEEEE And that children, is how to abduct aliens. I'm talking about the aliens (from another state/country). Sike, motherf***er.
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whats better, fish or duck?
duckduckduckduck
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How many fingers do you own?
16, I lived in Russia for a little while
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Are you an undercover penguin in disguise of a chihuahua in disguise of a human?
If i tell you the truth, then it spoils my cover.
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Thoughts on fish?
Fish are the next evolution in the human gene pool. We, as humans, are slowly evolving into fish. Eventually, we will become FISH FINGERSSS!! YAAAAAYYYYY! PARRRTAYYYY
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Don't drop that durka durk
wubwubwubdurrrrrrrrrrkkkkk
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do u root?
I'm not a tree.
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Derka Derka Derka Sherpa Cleetus
Twerka dat Sherpa, don't make me lurka.
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Are you a turtle or not
Yes I am. I'm the turtliest turtle around motherf***er
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How many girls have you kissed?
Around 4
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Where's Skye's cookies? Cleetus
timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where are my cookies?
Such a let down :(
give me time! :(((
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Where's wally? Cleetus
I'm too ashamed to say.
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Ooga booga hairy legs umbrella feet!
WORDS OF WISDOM MY FRIEND
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Reason for your last breakup?
Religion
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it s*cks because i miss you, and you don't even care.
Maybe I do care. Maybe instead of telling me on this, on anon, inbox me it.
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Okay which would rather have shoved up your as*? A handful or rusty nails, a cactus, a herpes infested hamster or Rob Sneider's face
Can I have all at once?
Might as well go all out ;)
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Who would you rather have sit on your face? Rob Sneider or Rosie O'donnell
Hmm.
I don't even know man
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oh plz niggah, i own dah cheekans. lizardqueen
Nowh cray cray!
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I used to have a crush on you :O
boost of self confidence, der u go
Tell me who you are :(
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can you make me candy bacon?
plz
Sure, with just a shi*load of happiness, and a dash of rainbows :3
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my swaggy ninga you. lizardqueen
Da fuq u callin nigga
Maaaan, I will hit u wit my fryed chikon
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I see you in your Safeway uniform and my v***** instantly starts gushing
Hahahaha is this better not be a guy.
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How would you like your Pu**y?
Like my chicken.
Warm, soft and squishyyyyy
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I herd you like the 'D' ? Hahahahaha
You "herd" right.
I f***ING LOVE DOUGHNUTS!!!!
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are u a virgin?
That depends, can you spell you? ;)
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Dis be the crasy sheit bru you have no sweg you need a snepbek Rhys97
Muddafuka, eye hve crocs m8
I will distroi u duuuude
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I know that was the point hahah I included my info ahahahahahahaha Rhys97
Bro, I shat brix.
Stahp dis, eye cant tak noh moar
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No it's conner Rhys97
HAHAAHAHAAHHAHA BUT YOUR USERNAME SAYS RHYS97
WUT DA FUQ IS DIS
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Ill give you my hat ??????:)
IS THIS THE ADORABLE RHYS
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Know who I am now :)
No idea :s
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You are soo funny on this hahah when you working next
I'm working on Friday :D
Be there, or be square
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you know what s*cks? I love you.
I don't know who this is, so I can't love you backsies.
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Are you a, Pancake?
For 10 bucks, I can be anything.
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Why are you so gay?
Because I think of you.
Will you marry me? Pretty please
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Do u eveN m8?
Nope, I dude.
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would you f*** a triangle?
As in the musical instrument? No.
As in "football head" (hey Arnold) f*** YEAH
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do you even lift?
Do you even use capital letters? ;)
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Do you even?
Every so often.
Do you odd?
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Favourite non p*rnographic magazine to mas******* to?
Your profile picture.